Reflections on my two phases of learning in ’22
Jessica Wong-Saunderson, 20 December 2022
My 2022 has been marked by 2 distinct halves. First part of the year was spent on parental leave with my newborn son. Second part of the year was spent navigating and embracing the juggle of being a full time working parent post parental leave. It’s been a massive year. Here are some of my reflections.
Phase 1: Becoming a #newparent
Highlights
- We didn’t have an easy journey to conceiving so having our son has felt like a huge blessing and miracle. Watching him grow, learn new skills and discover the world day-by-day has been pure joy.
- Taking a leave of absence from work gave me the opportunity to reflect on where I was in life, what I wanted to focus on and achieve in my next phase, and discover new hobbies (I even gave (virtual) monologue drama classes a go!). I set myself a goal to rekindle some old connections and also enjoyed making lots of new connections through new parents groups and different forums. Sometimes being out of an environment that you’ve been immersed in can offer a fresh perspective.
Lowlights
- Being two people with zero previous baby experience, we were not quite mentally prepared for the intensity of life with a newborn. The initial days felt chaotic and many nights were grueling. Life consisted of feed, sleep, nappy change, laundry (lots of it) – on repeat. The first two weeks were really hard, then six weeks, then two months, then three months… people assured us it would get easier (and they were somewhat right, each new stage brought on new challenges and learnings as a new parent)…
- I was surprised by the inner “identity” conflict as I grappled with what being a mum means and looks like in my context. I found myself wondering – is this what motherhood is really like? What type of mum do I want to be (versus what others might expect me to be)? This was really interesting for me, as I realized this sense of inner conflict arose from how strongly my identity was tied to my work/career, and a sense of discomfort (as is common whenever there is change) as my sense of identity evolved under this new phase of life.
Top tip
- One simple tip I always share with friends with new babies in particular is to practise #selfcare. Even if it’s a few minutes just to take a hot shower, so you can feel a little more human. If possible, carve out time to do something for yourself – read a book, go for a walk, catch up with a girlfriend. You need to be physically, mentally and emotionally well to look after your child.
- Even if (like me) you’re not a “natural” at parenting, there are things that you will naturally excel at as a new parent. My husband is great at speedy nappy changes. I am particularly accomplished at getting discounted baby supplies on Amazon and working out the best online grocery deals. #celebrate #smallwins
Phase 2: Becoming a #workingparent
Highlights
- My life is hectic but fulfilling: In my job, I enjoy leading cross border deals and being the subject matter expert that advises my clients on complex tax issues. At home, I deeply cherish quality time with my son and husband, watching my son’s gradual developments (how proud he was of himself when he discovered how to crawl up a few stairs, but also being worried that means I can’t take my eyes off him as he can only go up but not down..), amused by his love of chicken and toast (and his apparent disdain for vegetables), reading his favourite story book (sometimes over and over) and watching his delightful giggle and reaction to Poppy the panda saying “boo”.
- The “juggle” has made me more efficient and decisive in many areas of my work, in the way I delegate to and train my teams. It’s also helped me to be more empathetic as to what others might be going through.
- Immense gratitude to my husband in the way he co-parents with me, the support he provides me so that I can boldly pursue my ambitions and interests. #teamworkathome
Lowlights
- No amount of coaching or reading articles on the topic (of which I did plenty) could fully prepare you for the reality of the juggle of work and caring responsibilities. The guilt and worry of not doing your best in either camp. The confidence crisis of returning to work after an extended leave period / significant life change. This is something that is commonly felt by many mothers returning to work postpartum.
- With no family living in the same city and both my husband and I working full time, we chose to put our son in childcare full time. In the first 6 months, he was sick almost every week with the revolving roulette of daycare viruses (at times, that meant the adults got sick too… gastro, conjunctivitis… urgh). Our situation was by no means unique but it opened my eyes to how much my colleagues with young children must have gone through now that I’m experiencing it for myself.
Top tip
- Lean in to flexibility and communicate as appropriate. There’s going to be things you can plan for and things you can’t plan for. For me I’ve found that leaning in to flexible working is the only way to make the juggle work and have the work/care balance I want and need.
- Don’t be embarrassed or apologetic about your child – my colleague (who is also a friend) called me out for apologizing about my baby being in the background of a call. We agreed that having a sick baby is not something I should be apologizing for. I can acknowledge it but not apologize for it. (By the way I’ve since observed that men often are way more comfortable about having their pet or kid in the background of calls than women. Obviously please be sensible in the context of the call. But ladies if you’re like me – I urge you to stop apologizing for having a family and a life!)
- Learn from others – I’ve found lots of other working parents being willing to share how they make it work with their households. Everyone’s situation is different but it’s great to hear what has worked well (or not so well) for others in a similar phase of life. I’ve adapted helpful tips from colleagues to make it work for my situation.
